why i didn't like 500 days of summer

Call me crazy.

I do, I know everyone loved "500 Days of Summer". They all told me about how wonderful the lead actors were and how they loved the movie's playful-artyness, its hipster-coma-inducing soundtrack, it's post-modern-omniscient narrator... But I didn't like it.

Well, I did like the above elements... but as a movie, I didn't like it. Here's why:

Even thought the movie tells us, in the first few seconds, that the relationship it features won't work out... I didn't like being taken in. I felt like the entire movie was an inside view of this quirky relationship; we were exposed to its cuteness and had (almost) no choice but to fall in love with the idea of them. And then, swiftly, they had ended things and (spoiler alert) she was engaged to another man.

This blog put it well:

500 uses its high concept design and totems of a romanticized long-lost counterculture (Joy Division t-shirts, conversations about The Smiths) as cover for a rendering of the rules of the romantic game that’s as deeply shallow and and ready-to-eat safe as any studio product.

Ahhh, and there it is. I think the thing that most frustrated me was this movie's clear depiction of current relationships. People start dating, become incredibly physically connected, occasionally delve into some level of emotional connection, and inevitably move on. Except that they can't move on.

I'm not really wanting this post to be about soul ties. I do think that cultural norms that are highly destructive (like the "deeply shallow" game of romance happening around us) need to change.

When Sarah and I began dating, we decided that it would be marriage or bust. There was no potential to just play around and then move on. I wish that same approach to relationships could be the norm.

Hmmm, I'm rambling now. Would love to know your thoughts.

Why Not Men?

I've been thinking a great deal about men in church leadership recently. I know there has been lots of debate regarding the role of men in leadership and many areas of the church deem men invalid for church leadership. There is much debate regarding scriptures and the nature of men; I wanted to provide some of my perspective on this controversial issue.

Everyone agrees that women's natural abilities do make them fantastic pastors. They're naturally highly emotive and encouraging which helps us connect at a heart level with what God is doing. They have an innate nurturing ability which allows new things to grow and encourages spiritual development. Woman are typically also excellent communicators, making them highly effective at sharing scriptural truths in a practical manner.

Now, we all know that men, on the whole, are not naturally as nurturing or sensitive as women. This could mean that men don't meet the requirements/should not be permitted to enter church leadership. And so, many men attempt to take on these female qualities in order to make their ministry opportunities viable (ex. passive-aggressive behaviour or indecision). Now, I'm not saying that men shouldn't be nurturing or sensitive at all. In fact, Jesus' life displayed these qualities many times.
However, I am saying that although men do, on the whole, have different qualities than women, I think that this shouldn't disqualify men from church leadership.

In society outside of the church, we celebrate men who are driven, tough, and aggressive in their pursuit of goals. We admire the politician who sticks to his cause amidst harassment and intimidation. We applaud the CEO who cuts staff in order to save a business. We cheer on the athlete with "killer instinct". We are thankful for the father who firmly and lovingly disciplines their child. Why shouldn't men carry these prized qualities into the church?

One of my favourite books on church leadership is Mark Driscoll's "Confessions of a Reformission Rev." (I'm not on board with everything he says but there is a ton of great content that has informed the way I lead). Here's a fantastic quote that relates well to this topic.

[speaking about his two founding pastors, who were sometimes confrontational]: "Both were older men than I and had years of ministry experience, and they were good fathers, loving husbands, and tough. Too often this last point is overlooked, but when Paul said that a pastor must fight like a soldier, train like an athlete, and work hard like a farmer, he had in mind the manliest of men leading the church (2 Tim. 2:1-7). Sadly, the weakest men are often drawn to ministry simply because it is an indoor job that does not require heavy lifting."

I LOVE THAT QUOTE. If anyone's still reading, I would like to propose something revolutionary: let's allow men to be men and women to be women within the church in order for us to really flourish, move forward, and be in good health. I think the days of neutering men or women should come to an end.Hmmmm.... I think there's more to come but that's it for now.

PS. Sarcasm and reference to Loren Cunningham's book is intended :-)

PPS. If this irritates, irks, infuriates, or enlivens you, please leave your comments!

hope

Thinking about hope recently. Thoughts:

The verse, "why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God" appears three times, almost in succession, in Psalms: Psalm 42:5, Psalm 42:11, and Psalm 43:5.

This had me thinking about Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I looked into it and, interestingly, the Hebrew word that translates into hope is tiqvah.

The most readily used definitions for tiqvah (from Theological Word Book of the Old Testament) are:

1. cord
2. hope, expectation
-hope
-ground of hope
-things hoped for, outcome

This blew me away. Hope is a cord. It ties us to what we expect/desire to come. Sarah remembered the verse "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."

As I was falling asleep and thinking over these things, God said to me, "you know, Andrew, you're tied to me. I'm the vine and you are the branch. I'm the source and you draw from me everything you need..." Our hope in him is like an umbilical cord, feeding our hearts and allowing us to move towards him.

One of my favourites:

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
--Emily Dickinson

non-negotiables

My lovely wife has been posting an incredible series on on Godly relationships (or, rather, how to prepare ourselves for Godly relationships).

She recently mentioned "non-negotiables", a term that we coined to describe character traits that a Godly single man or woman would not negotiate about in looking for a partner. They're usually simple and few.

These are not to be confused with lists; Sarah clearly explained why we think lists are silly (and I'd recommend throwing yours away). This quote explains things nicely:

The List was designed to keep the bad guys out but [...] it had acted to keep me in. Looking over those 47 questions I recognize the frightened 19 year old who had already known Those Scary Guys who hooted and hollered at other women..., were too clingy/needy..., were serial daters/players..., who punched girls..., who ran to alcohol/women/other when they were upset..., and told me how to dress/behave. I was so busy protecting myself I hadn't realized the purpose to a REAL relationship was to extend myself, to expose myself, to make myself available to Andrew, who needed me to assure him that I, also, wasn't one of Those Scary Girls.

My lists were based in my hurts and false beliefs about relationships. Sarah ended up becoming a much better fit for me than any list I had been able to put together. She is my list.

My non-negotiables were the following:
1. She would need to love God more than she would ever love me.
2. She would need to have a call to ministry on her life; I love people and ministering to people and I knew that my wife would have to share this.

That's it. There were things that interested me or I'd hoped for but I refused to let them hold me back. God put these two things in my heart and my decision to honour them allowed me find the woman of my dreams. God's heart is to bless you with a spouse that will compliment you. With that hope in your heart, happy hunting!

Michael Jackson

So, the king of pop is dead. I wish I could say that I'm happy he is free of this Earth but I don't know if he is in a better place.

I've admired his music but, having been born in the 80s, I've long thought that Michael Jackson's persona was bizarre. I missed out on the child-star Michael and the early pop-star. My earliest memories of him are from the song, "Black or White". I remember the social commentary and comedians making light of Jackson's apparent skin disease (amongst other things like his weird lifestyle choices and his abnormal appearance as an outcome of his many plastic surgeries).

Anyway, I followed a link to a blog this morning and the writer had some excellent thoughts on Michael's life and decline. He wrote:

He was spiritually and psychologically raped at a very early age - and never recovered. Watching him change his race, his age, and almost his gender, you saw a tortured soul seeking what the rest of us take for granted: a normal life.

But he had no compass to find one; no real friends to support and advise him; and money and fame imprisoned him in the delusions of narcissism and self-indulgence. Of course, he bears responsibility for his bizarre life. But the damage done to him by his own family and then by all those motivated more by money and power than by faith and love was irreparable in the end. He died a while ago. He remained for so long a walking human shell.

I loved his music. His young voice was almost a miracle, his poise in retrospect eery, his joy, tempered by pain, often unbearably uplifting. He made the greatest music video of all time; and he made some of the greatest records of all time. He was everything our culture worships; and yet he was obviously desperately unhappy, tortured, afraid and alone.

I grieve for him; but I also grieve for the culture that created and destroyed him. That culture is ours' and it is a lethal and brutal one: with fame and celebrity as its core values, with money as its sole motive, it chewed this child up and spat him out.

I think Andrew Sullivan really hit the nail on the head: our society, worshipping and enabling extreme celebrity, led Michael to his downfall. Mark 8:36 says, "...what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his life [in the eternal kingdom of God]?" Michael was the King of Pop and yet he lived a life that was tortured, isolated, and incredibly broken. And now people are already arguing about what to do with his children.

I think that the time is coming for the church to rise up in society and model something different. Rather than isolating people, expecting perfection, and enabling celebrity, we should model honesty and family. We should reach out to the Michael Jacksons and draw them into love, love, love. Love enough to fill gaping holes in people's self-value. And love enduring enough to give hope and restoration to the (publicly) broken. Help us Heavenly Father!

poverty

We had an interesting discussion amongst the youth and young adult pastoral team yesterday. We're currently beginning our planning for Freshwind next year (our annual youth conference).
I put forward the idea of bringing someone to speak who serves the poor or runs a NPO because I feel like we need to partner the amazing love of Father God we've been given (and incredible Holy Spirit) with an OUTWARD expression - a re-action to what he has done for us.

This got me thinking about Heidi. Heidi Baker's ministry has been immensely popular (with good reason). She's an incredible speaker (but there are hoards of speakers) but I think it's her love for God AND her demonstrated love for people that is so attractive.

I guess there's a certain glamour in it all (living in the poorest country in Africa, struggling with danger and opposition, helping the poor, rescuing orphans) that we increasingly bored Western Christians find attractive. It's a life of passion where everyday a difference can be seen from Christ's impact on communities and people. At any rate, let's ask God how we can practically share his love. If we're the light of the world, we should shine and people should notice!

"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty." -- Mother Theresa

brood

It's been a rough few days with only a few hours of sleep a night... the new puppy is still getting used to being home. I can't complain (because he's awesome) but it's giving me tons of respect for new parents (like Puddle!).

So, I was lying in bed last night and I felt the Father remind me of Luke 13:34

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"

And I felt him say, "I want to brood over you, Andrew." I told him I was really, really willing... unsure but willing.

This morning, I looked up the word brood and I found a part of the definition that really hit home:

1 once the eggs are laid, the male broods them incubate, hatch.
VERB
2 [ trans. ] (of a bird) sit on (eggs) to hatch them.
3 [usu. foll. by over] (of silence, a storm, etc.) hang or hover closely : a winter storm broods over the lake.

and I realized he wants to incubate me... to create an environment, in his presence, for me to grow. It was immensely freeing to think of the Father as my incubator, my place of warmth and growth.

I also remembered Deut 32:10-12 (MSG)

[God] found him out in the wilderness, in an empty, windswept wasteland. He threw his arms around him, lavished attention on him, guarding him as the apple of his eye. He was like an eagle hovering over its nest, overshadowing its young, then spreading its wings, lifting them into the air, teaching them to fly. God alone led him.

Finally, this morning, it all came together in one of my favourite poems of all time, Gerard Manley Hopkins' poem, God’s Grandeur.

THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

Come brood over me Holy Spirit! I am really, really willing.